"A suitable boy"

I sat, soaking in the delicious aroma of books. The warm sun poured into the study, painting patterns on the polished wooden panels. In a corner yet unexplored by the curious rays, I was rifling through my beloved's files and folders, trying to make sense of the paperwork he had accumulated over twenty odd years.

I had met him as a fresh apprentice, young and bursting with ambition, at my father's prestigious law firm. He had looked like a friendly footballer, except...for those eyes. Deep and piercing, they bored through you, reading thoughts beyond. My dad had liked that. Dad had come off very impressed, after their first meeting. He was sure the astute young lawyer would go places and make a name for himself. Daddy had been right.

Shortly after, we got married. What followed had been a roller coaster ride through life; a life filled to the brim with a fine and famous law practice, plenty of wealth and a lovely daughter. He made a name for himself in the professional circuit. His sharp perceptiveness often won him difficult-to-crack cases. Even hardened criminals crumbled under that laser-like stare and gave up quite lamely. Like an x-ray machine, he saw through everything-motives, alibis, well crafted witness stories and defenses. Inevitably, he became a hero to plaintiffs and a villain to defendants.

He must've tempted Fate. With a single stroke of Hers, she snatched away my beloved. The doctors said it had been a massive heart attack. The earth gave way from under my feet. My daughter was still in college, not yet ready to fly. I couldn't calm the flutter within me, my heart trembling at every step, and every step was new to me. For till then, he had been in complete charge of our lives…the home, the practice, our daughter's college, the parties… I had always been in the back seat, safe and secure, knowing that he would take care of everything.

The shrill phone shook me out of my reverie.

It was my daughter calling from New York. She would call every Sunday morning. That was one treat I looked forward to. Her one-year-old had just started babbling and it was pure pleasure to hear her prattle. My son-in-law was a lawyer too, carving out a remarkable practice for himself in New York. They said he was very much like his late father-in-law: astute, sharp and perceptive...a true reader of minds. The older man would have certainly been proud of him. Anyway, my daughter was happy. Theirs was a joyous life, filled with work on weekdays and fun on the weekends. I was happy for them.

I was happy, also because I had managed to choose a "suitable boy" for my girl. That had been one of my biggest accomplishments-a choice I had made, completely on my own, without my beloved by my side.

If I keep reminiscing, the line will get cut.

I hurry to the phone and smile as I hear my granddaughter's chatter from the other end. They are calling from Amish County. My son-in-law has surprised them with a weekend trip to the quaint county in Pennsylvania. The Amish have captured time in a grain of sand. They fastidiously follow their forefathers' traditions, ride horse buggies and grow food on their own farms, holding life still, as the world rushes past. Interesting. I must tell my friends when I go for my morning walk. It was so nice of my son-in-law to spring such a sweet surprise on them! He is a nice boy. We chat for an hour. Bye, bye mommy, will call you next week, same time. Bye, dear.

I still remember the day my son-in-law had come home to 'see' my daughter.

Even today I can feel the butterflies tyrannizing my tummy. Would they like each other? If they liked each other, could I go ahead with the marriage? Was he a good boy? How could I know? The marriage agency had rated the boy very high, but then, they do that for every other boy in their files. I had made inquires. Yes, he came from a good family of professionals, well-educated, well-employed, well-cultured and well-heeled. The family had clearly passed the well-check. How was the boy? It could be a case of the black sheep. I had inquired at his college. Good, they had said. I had inquired at his office. Good, again. Everything had seemed all right.

How I wish my dear husband had been with me to make the decision! The astute reader of minds that he had been, he could have read the boy like the palm of his hand. I could've simply relaxed and let him decide. But that was not to be. It was five years too late. Today, I had to select. I had to select the "suitable boy" all by myself.

There was the gaggle of aunts and uncles to dish out easy advice, but I had to make the final decision. I had no yardsticks to 'judge' him by, no insights into the intricacies of the human mind to guide me, not after all those years spent in the safe haven of my home and hearth.

How I wish my dear husband had been with me!

The D-day had dawned, damp and dreary. Was that a sign? I didn't know. The 'boy' and his parents had come on time, accompanied by his sister, aunt and uncle. Everyone had been friendly and nice. What could that tell me? Everyone was friendly and nice on such occasions. The initial pleasantries done with, we had moved to the dining room, to let the 'boy' and 'girl' have a chat by themselves.

How I wish my husband had been with me! He could have helped my girl! He could have helped me, to decide!

Half an hour later, we had sauntered back into the room, hoping that they've been as successful as mind-reading lawyers! They seemed comfortable with each other. Could we take the smiles on their faces for approval? Here comes my turn. If they say 'yes', do I say 'yes' or 'no'? Dear beloved, please help me!

You know what my decision had been.

I walk back from the phone to my husband's library, all strewn over with the papers I have ruffled up.

My son-in-law has bought a new apartment for me, at one of the classiest addresses in town. Sensitive and perceptive as he is, he had realized that the rambling mansion had become too cumbersome for me to manage alone. So he had gotten me the brochures of the best builders in town. I simply had to select what suited me and he had bought it for me. A caring boy, indeed!

The new apartment would be ready in a month's time. In the meantime, I had to clear up my home of thirty odd years. I gathered up all the papers and piled them on top of the desk. There remained only one more cabinet to go through…one that contained my husband's personal papers.

I shook out the contents of the cabinet. Out fell dusty old papers on vacations, our daughter's college education and…one on marriage proposals for our girl! An amused smile slowly crept up the corners of my lips. He had started looking for a 'boy' even then! He hadn't told me about that! Probably, he had wanted to 'surprise' me with his 'find'! Wonder what kind of a boy he had wanted for our cutie pie. There were quite a handful of them. Quite a few had been approved too…lawyers, doctors, bankers, engineers...What was that thick envelope at the bottom of the pile?

The rejected ones.

Smiling, out of curiosity, I opened the envelope. Out tumbled a sheaf of papers, on top of which was a resume with a photograph stuck on it…my son-in-law.

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